Ramblings and Rubbish...

My favorite little guy

2010-02-04T19:00:00.000-08:00

Innocence, a clean slate that I wish I had. Excitement in a smile and comfort in a familiar face. I look at him and envy his beginning, envy the pure love he will receive without any reservations. Right now he's perfect, but the world will surely change that. The clean eyes that I look to for that missing piece that was lost in myself will soon grow tired with judgements pointed out by others. One day his genuine laugh that makes me giddy because there is no sarcasm behind it may fade. But when he looks at me there is no judgement, just pure love. I am someone he trusts, someone he feels safe with. I wish I could protect him from all the insecure people he will meet that will tear him down. I can't, thats a battle nobody ever wins. The only thing I can do is hope that any good in myself rubs off on him in the rough times and it helps get him through to the other side.

A night with Mr. Ward

2009-12-07T01:06:00.000-08:00

Sing me a song with your soft boyish melodies
Surround me with the comfort in your voice and lull me to sleep
A misty blue persuasion keeps me cold and awake
But the key to my slumber lies in the soothing touch of your voice that seeps into my ears and rests behind my eyes
Your comforting chorus relaxes on my tongue and with every exhale sits on an escaping whisper
You never let me down, your always there for me to runaway with
A relationship that gets stronger with every note
I take it with me wherever I go

Dying since the day I showed up

2009-11-23T21:57:00.000-08:00

As morbid as it might sound, I think about my death. About who would show up to my funeral and what people would say about me. If anybody would miss me, and if my existence made any difference in this world.
Have I lived my life the way I want to be remembered? Have I loved the way I always imagined I would?
I imagine death being like a big dream, a dream that you don't understand. A floating abyss of time in the palm of a hand.
I hope it's a like song, your favorite song that reaches deep into your stomache, and caresses your blood so you feel it everywhere. A song that makes you absolutley perfect in that moment. That moment that will last forever, or at least until the next journey. :)

I imagine someone saying " Amanda was child of love, in fact thats what her name means. Deserving of love, surrounded by love. Amanda loved with her mind, her eyes, and her whole heart. When you feel the crisp air on your cheeks, read a line of comfort, or hear a song that makes you know it's going to be okay, you'll feel her there with you and realize she's left a piece of herself in all of us"

Brainiac

2009-11-13T00:53:00.000-08:00

I can't escape it tonight, two glasses of wine in and I can't get out of my brain. I never figured out the off button to the damn thing. My heart has been getting crazy again, pounding on my chest like it's looking for an escape. It steals my breath and makes me feel weak, out of control...I was never in control. I sit, breath slowly and let the air kiss my lungs hoping to subside the anxiety. In return, my cheeks are rosey with tingles and it feels good when I smile. I wish I had someone to cuddle with tonight, someone who would kiss my forehead and make me feel safe. Someone who with the stroke of his hand on my rosey cheek would calm me and put me to sleep.

CoAcHeLLa...a long day, a long blog

2009-04-22T15:18:00.000-07:00

I went to my third Coachella about six days ago, every time I go it gets a little better. This year I had to go! For a hundred bucks I would have been satisfied to see Paul McCartney alone. But, for my money they threw in M. Ward, The Black Keys, Conner Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band, Crystal Castles, freaking Ghostland Observatory (so awesome), and Morrissey. So very much worth my money. This year had a really nice theme with these artists. They all sounded better then their albums. Seeing them live gave me the tingles. Our first person on the list was the "oh so adorable" and extremely talented M.Ward. Of course being on the second stage he had some audio trouble, never fails on that stage. But it didn't break him, and when it got handled he put on such a great show.

He had a professional whistler in one of his songs, I think I just found a new career path for my dad...
Next up was The Black Keys... I was really excited for this one, a sexy sounding bearded guy who plays an amazing rock/blues guitar. The drummer is really awesome too. They were really good!Although I was a little sad they were on the mainstage. It's a two man group and they were too small on that huge stage. They don't have a big enough show to fill the stage, so they got lost a little. I would love to see them again though, smaller setting.
After the blues mood was set we headed back to the second stage for some Conner Oberst and the Mystic Valley band. I wasn't as familiar with his music, I just know him as Bright Eyes. But a friend we were with loves him so we checked him out. I was impressed! His songs were really good to listen too and fun. He talked a little spacey and I wasn't on anything to be able to understand what he was talking about, but his songs made me happy and so did his Omish hat.

This guy also made me happy...

After Conner's set, we went to the Sahara tent to catch the last half of the Crystal Castles set. They were good, but they were probably the only artist we saw that I actually like the album more then the live show. But they weren't bad by any means. By the time we got there the tent was jammed. I couldn't take any pictures or video because it was so packed tight you couldn't see anything. After them came Ghostland Observatory... AHHHH!!!! Ghostland Observatory... Not much to say...the music, lasers, keyboard player in a cape, and american indian lead singer that has moves like Freddie Mercury, speaks for itself. Hands down one of the most entertaining shows I've ever seen. (warning:on some of the videos are pretty shaky at times...very hard to stay still during this set)

After the most amazing set with Ghostland we headed to the main stage to catch the end of Morrissey. He was really good too, it was a little hard for my adrenline to come down so low after ghostland's set but I really enjoyed him. I was amazed how good he sounded and looked for his age. At one point he took his shirt off and I was a little stunned by how good he looked with out it. He ended with "How soon is Now" which was really cool. I was kind of sad I missed the whole vegetarian whine I heard he had going, that pissed so many people off.

And after that was the king of music himself, Sir Paul McCartney. I got goosebumps watching him. It was the best concert I have every seen. The man is in his late sixties and he played 35 songs. It was incredible, words can't describe it. He is so genuine and silly and fun. I love him! He sang everything, our camera's couldn't capture how great it really was nor every song we wanted to film. My little camera said kaput in the middle of his set. But we managed to capture some of the magic. Only a percent of the greatness we witnessed.

Sadly there isn't enough time to really see all the cool art and sculptures they have around...but heres some fun stuff

I never miss the tesla coil...

Once again proving no need to use a flash when I'm in a picture... At the end of the night I have to admit we were one of the thousands who couldn't find our car. In our defense, they don't make it easy. Coachella third time round was so much fun!

O'Bama Rama

2009-01-21T12:43:00.000-08:00

I am constantly amazed with some of things I have seen and lived through in the world that will be in history books for the rest of my life. Sitting through history class you never realize that it's possible to be alive and witness any of the events you learn in your history books. Yesterday was a moment in history that will change our future.
I am not one for politics. Through the years I have purposely ignored elections and anything related to politics because I always believed it was bullshit. I always saw it as people who were hungry for money and power and no one really ever cared about the country. Yesterday that changed for me. I like Obama, I believe he wants a better future for our country. But I also wanted to make sure that I wasn't a sheep following the herd. To many people I meet in my day to day life, don't look at the facts. They get influenced by everything around them and don't make decisions for themselves. I refuse to be one of those people. I don't care that all my friends are Democrats. I don't care that my parents are Republicans. What they believe is what they believe, and nobody can influence me without all the facts. With all that said, passed getting all misty eyed while he spoke again,whether you are Democrat or Republican, Obama made me believe that there is hope in this country's future for change. That the path we are all on right now can only end badly, that we need to unite as a country and show the rest of the world that it is possible. That it is possible to live in a country where everyone is free, people can be whoever they want to be, dreams are not out of reach, and than peace can prevail. It was the most uplifting speech I think I have ever heard, So Kudo's to Mr. Obama for turning a girl with doubt in the world she lives in, to a girl with hope in a future that she will want to raise kids in one day.

resolutions

2008-12-31T09:09:00.001-08:00

Another freaking year has passed, and it went entirely too fast. Our economy is in the shit hole at the moment, everyone is struggling. People are doing drastic things, no one really feels like themselves anymore. So what is there really to look forward to in 2009. I think this next year is going to be about "hope". We have hope in a new president, we have hope that things are going to make themselves right again. Everything needs to be turned around and upside down once in awhile. It keeps us spoiled un-appreciative humans in check. It makes us satisfied with the lives we have and stop thinking about what we don't have. We start seeing how lucky we are with everything in our world. This past year has been a reality check. And this next year is going to be hard work, but amazing to see what people can do when they come together in this kind of a time.
As for myself, I stopped believing in other people a long time ago. I felt constantly dissappointed by people that I truley trusted. I gave up on them, I gave up on society, I just plain gave up and stopped trying. I just stayed put behind these walls I created for myself a couple years ago. This new year is about hope for myself also. Hope that I can join the real world again. I have realized how many wonderful people I know, how there are good people out there and it's worth trying. I have hope in myself that I can make myself happy, follow my dreams, and finally be comfortable in my own skin.
Everyone is talking about how 2009 is going to be a hard freaking year and people are going to feel it. That is probably true, but I feel that it is going to make everyone stronger, everyone really love one another, everyone will see themselves stripped of all the bullshit. And I have hope that we will enter 2010, stronger and most of all happy.
This goes for every single one of my friends that is in "it" right now. We stick together, we will make it out just fine. Just keep your hopes high.

My Resolutions:
- (Let's get the annoying one out of the way) I'm going to lose weight, I don't know how much, but enough until I am happy.
- I am going to stop worrying so much about loved ones problems and start working on building my own happiness.
- Take care of myself, health wise. I am probably the unhealthiest vegetarian around. I got to fix that.
- I want to try hard to be positive. I used to be a positive person and at one point I got very cynical.
- I am going to work hard at making my friends know that I love them for who they are. I always have loved them for who they are, but certain ones this past year made clear that I don't always act that way.
- I am going to work hard at following my dreams, I gave up on those a long time ago

I feel woken up, after I have been a sleep for a couple years. I have been sitting on my ass trying to figure out who I am. By doing that I lost something, I lost something that made me, well me.
2009 is going to be better....it's in the stars! :o)

Day and Night Trippers

2008-12-07T09:11:00.000-08:00

To say my family trips a lot is an understatement! And when we go down, we do it right and in classic bumbling style. It usually happens in a very public place, or in a very dramatic way. I'f we had cameras following us, it would be very entertaining footage. My father takes the lead, with tripping over his own feet quite often. He's learned to catch himself much better in his older age. My mother doesn't do it that often, but when she does it is an oscar worthy fall. Me, I usually am oblivous when I am walking so I often trip, not see a step, bump into furniture, doors, all of the above. I don't often actually go down, but I usually have a bruise or two on me at all times. My sister almost never falls, and doesn't really trip often...until last night. We have a list of the great falls of the family and my big sister just made the list at number four. I am fortunate to have been witness to all of them. Here is our list:
4. Last night my big sister and her husband, son, and I were at holiday festival lighting in san juan capistrano. We headed down towards the train depot where they have a holiday metrolink with santa claus, my nephew loves trains, when my sister stepped on a grate and her heel slipped. It actually looked like she caught herself then suddenly her other foot slipped and she caught herself with banging her head on a store a window and then falling to the ground. Like I said, us Calabro's go down in class, she scraped her knees and hands up but didn't even rip her tights. Go Big sis!
3. I come in at number three with not looking and stepping into a heating vent that was in the floor. When we lived in our old Victorian style home back in Riverside, the heating vents were located in corners on the floor. They had these big grates on them. So when you turned the corner you often stepped on part of the grate. Well, one night when the fam was getting ready to go out to dinner, my dad and brother-in-law had pulled the grate out of the vent in the dining room. They were looking at something on it. Well, we were about to leave so got up quickly to go grab my sweater and turned the corner quickly into the dining room not looking where I was walking. Suddenly my right like went into the heating vent up to mid thigh. I scraped my leg from my ankle to my knee. I didn't even care about that, I was so shocked when my leg went through the ground it seemed like and so incredibly embarrassed for some reason, I just started tearing up. And again, in true Calabro style, I was wearing jeans, my levi's were not damaged in any way. Still, not a good night for me.
2. My dad falls into the number two spot with his movie theater fall. We went to go see a movie that was sold out and we headed towards the front of the theater to get one of those close seats when my dad didn't realize that where the carpet ends is not a step. He went to go take a step and got disoriented and fell to one knee at the front of the theater in front of a sold out theater. Poor guy turned bright red.
1. My mother takes the number one spot with her houdini act of rolling down Mt. Rubidoux. My mother and I went for a walk, we decided to take the unpaved path around the mountain instead of the main road. It got steep and slippery. As my mother is telling me "Manda, watch out it's really slippery here" she loses control of her feet and starts to sort of walk run down the mountain and then finally loses her balance and starts rolling down the side of the mountain and proceeds to bounce off the side of the mountain before she actually stops. I stood there stunned, especially since there was freeway below and if she would have kept going it would have been really scary. But, to show how we Calabro's do it, she rolled down the side of a mountain and didn't even have a scratch. She was totally fine. It was freaking hilarious though.

Fell in love with this song all over again

2008-12-04T22:49:00.000-08:00

"Time's A Wastin"-Erykah Badu

Yeah

Time's a wastin
Don't you take your time young man
Keep on driftin and
Ain't no tellin where you'll land

Run baby, run, run
Where you runnin to?
And who you runnin from?
Some people may not understand
What it means to be a man
Takin' full command
Cause we're

Livin in a world that's oh so strange
Boy don't let your focus change
Takin out the demons in your range, hey
Livin in a world that's oh so fast
Gotta make your money last
Learn from the past, oh

Time's a wastin
Don't you take your time young man
Keep on driftin and
Ain't no tellin where you'll land

Sweet love and sunshine
If it's all in the air
Then it's all on your mind
Breathe baby
Come back to the world
Dig up all your pearls
Teach the boys and girls, hey

Livin in a world that's oh so strange
Boy don't let your focus change
Takin out the demons in your range, hey
Livin in a world that's oh so fast
Gotta make your money last
Learn from the past, oh

Oh baby we need to smile
Oh baby we need to smile
Oh baby we need to smile
Oh baby we need to smile

Time's a wastin
Don't you take your time young man
Keep on driftin and
Ain't no tellin where you'll land

Oh baby we need to smile
Oh baby we need to smile
Oh baby we need to smile
Oh baby we need to smile

Oh, oh, oh, oh...

Time's a wastin
Don't you take your time young man
Keep on driftin and
Ain't no tellin where you'll land

Ain't no tellin, oh, oh...

Long Over Do in so many ways

2008-10-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

When I was first discovering music, I mean really figuring out what "I" liked outside of the classic rock and oldies that my parents would listen too, Radiohead's The Bends came out. I was instantly consumed and connected by Thom Yorke's soothing vocals and beautiful melodies. I was 12 then, I'm 25 now and can sincerely say that they have always been my favorite band. Their music has never left me, always been their for me like a best friend. The comforting echo of Thom's voice has always lingered with me, never wanting it to go away. I grew up with their music by my side. I always wanted to see them in concert, to witness them and experience them in person. My sister as lucky as she is, and not as desperate as I was to see them, got to see them three times before I did. Through the past thirteen years, 11 of them actual concert going years, it has not been easy to get tickets for their show. Finally with my desperation and determination my oppurtunity came. In August they played two shows back to back at the Hollywood Bowl and I made sure I was at one of them. These are some of my video's from the concert, they are poor quailty because my seats were pretty far from the stage (like most Hollywood Bowl seats). But the music speaks for itself. It was by far the best concert I have been to. My next goal...front row seats.

So Sorry

2008-09-05T17:57:00.001-07:00

sor·ry (sr, sôr)
adj. sor·ri·er, sor·ri·est
1. Feeling or expressing sympathy, pity, or regret: I'm sorry I'm late.
2. Worthless or inferior; paltry: a sorry excuse.
3. Causing sorrow, grief, or misfortune; grievous: a sorry development.

I discovered something about myself last night, I apologize way too much. I don't know if it is because I have worked in customer service for that last 7 years, or because I spent 9 years in Catholic school. Where ever it came from, I do it far too often. I say "sorry" and I often don't even mean it. It just seams like the right thing to say. Last night I was at Pavilions and I tried to use a phone number for a club card to get the discount. The number I was entering was not working, the cashier boy asked me for another one. I said, I didn't have one "sorry". He responded in a playful way with "you don't have to be sorry to me, I didn't miss out on savings". Then later in the evening I was playing with my nephew, and I apologized to him because my sister and I got in a big fight earlier and I was yelling very loudly in front of him. He looked at me and said "It was pretty funny". I said "Im glad you thought it was funny, but im still sorry I yelled in front of you, that wasn't right". He looked at me and smiled and said "It was funny, no need to be sorry here". Even though apologizing was the right thing to do for my nephew, I realized that I say that word far too much. I say it when there is no need. My pop always tells me, "why are you sorry, don't apologize, you didn't do anything". Even though it's not New Years yet, I am making a resolution. I will try not to apologize unless I really mean it and the situation calls for an apology.
Sorry to have rambled for so long! ;0)

the warm fuzzy feeling...

2008-08-21T23:57:00.000-07:00

I get a warm, happy feeling when a really good song has really well written lyrics. Enjoy! If you havn't heard it already you will be completely satsified with this song:

What I'm searching for
to tell it straight, I'm trying to build a wall
Walking by myself
down avenues that reek of time to kill
If you see me keep going
be a pass by waver
Build me up, bring me down
just leave me out you name dropper
Stop trying to catch my eye
I see you good you forced faker
Just make it easy
You're my enemy you fast talker

Chorus:
I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up
If I could stand up mean for the things that I believe

What am I here for
I left my home to disappear is all
I'm here for myself
Not to know you
I don't need no one else
Fit in so good the hope is that you cannot see me later
You don't know me
I am an introvert an excavator
I'm duckin' out for now
a face in dodgy elevators
Creep up and suddenly
I found myself
an innovator

Chorus.

Change, change, change,
I want to get up out of my skin
tell you what
if I can shake it
I'm 'a make this
something worth dreaming of

who could say no to a game

2008-08-04T13:35:00.000-07:00

http://flashfabrica.com/f_learning/brain/brain.html
http://www.freerice.com/index.php
http://www.zefrank.com/scribbler/
http://www.retailmenot.com/coupons/clothing
http://www.virtual-bubblewrap.com/about.shtml
http://www.specialdefects.com/v2/ <--this one is kind of bizarre but fun. Hint, click the little white dots
(I have to thank Julia for the rice game...it was hours of fun)

He just keeps getting better

2008-07-29T18:40:00.000-07:00

Every time I see him... :0)

These were not from my show...but there little goodies to enjoy!

Gummi Bear

2008-07-16T20:28:00.000-07:00

A Gummi Bear Chandelier, what could be more awesome than that?

It's ladies night....oh what a night

2008-07-15T23:01:00.000-07:00

LADY SURVEY
A night of being broke and bored. Thanks to a friend on myspace I now have something to do...

♥ Do you sleep in your bra?
If I do it's a sports bra

♥ Do you enjoy drama?
Other people's, not mine

♥ Does your myspace password have to do with a boy?
yes...but its not what your thinking

♥ Are you a girly girl?
ya, and other times sadly no. Like say my childhood between the ages of 11-13

♥ Small or big purses?
That's a toughy I love both, for the most part bigger purses...I carry a lot of shit around

♥ Do you think you’re conceited?
No, I wish I was conceited though, things would be much easier

♥ Did you dress up on Halloween?
I try to dress up every Halloween and probably will till the day I die

♥ Are you double jointed?
No, but I can rotate my elbows, they do this weird turn out thing that most people's don't do

♥ Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
In a bath tub

♥ Do you call anybody by their last name?
Not really, maybe one or two people

♥ Do you wear makeup?
Kinda...I go through periods of wearing none...but when I do where makeup its not all that much.

♥ Ever cried at a movie theater?
Yes...many a time

♥ Can you put on mascara without opening your mouth?
only if I concentrate really hard

♥ Do you think Ryan Sheckler is cute?
who the fuck is ryan sheckler?

♥ Have you ever been called a bad influence?
Never

♥ Eyeliner or Mascara?
Both...one should not exist without the other

♥ American Eagle or Hollister?
neither..but if I had to pick...Hollister...cute beach boys where it

♥ Heels or flats?
Flat's whenever I can get away with it

♥ Skirts or jeans?
I'm a jeans girl all the way. But a skirt is awesome when your feeling sexy

♥ Socks or leggings?
Knee Highs are the best

♥ Hoodies or jackets?
Both, it depends on my mood

♥ Heels or sneakers?
sneakers if I can help it. But a cute pair of heels can make you feel so confidant.

♥ Straight or curly hair?
For years I would have said straight, But I have learned to except my big wavy hair...so I will have to go with both

♥ Hoops or dangling earrings?
I rarely wear earrings but if I do..it has to be dangling.

♥ Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?
I wouldn't say no to a hot blond or light haired guy, but there is something really hot about a dark haired guy.

♥ Are you currently frustrated with a guy?
Nope

♥ Do you have a best friend?
Not so much anymore. I have really close friends, but I don't see them enough to be best friends. I'd have to say right now my sister is my best friend

♥ What do you think about the person you like?
I think I should grow some balls and have more than a 3 minute conversation with him

♥ Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
sadly yes, But I recently decided my nose is not all that bad.

♥ Do you like your life?
Yes, I think I am pretty damn lucky

♥ Ever walked into the guy's bathroom?
Yes, at a club...I had to pee really bad and the girls line was just ridiculous. So I just went in the guys bathroom. It was funny because they actually all seemed kind of embarrassed.

♥ Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
yes, when my dogs were put to sleep and when my grandma died

♥ Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
All the time

♥Do you ever wish you were famous?
yessum

IN A BOY:
♥ Cowboy or Gangster?
Cowboy...how do you resist a man who wears chaps

♥ Preppy or Punk/Goth?
Both..very cute

♥ Well-educated or Dropout?
Doesn't matter to me

♥ Contacts or Glasses?
Either are cute

♥ Funny or Serious?
Has to with out a doubt make me laugh...but know when to stop and be serious if needed

♥ Romantic or Daredevil?
Both are sexy

♥ Cute or Hot?
I'm okay with both...cute is usually what I go for though...Hot guys can be annoying sometimes.

♥ Long or short hair?
short

♥ Good Dancer or Good Singer?
singer for sure

♥smoker or non-smoker?
I don't really care either way, but if he is a smoker he better carry breath mints.

♥ Has a Motorcycle or Has a Sports car?
Sports car...I get the whole motorcycle appeal, cause it is sexy but I know to many guys that have gotten badly hurt on them and it scares me.

Have you ever been in handcuffs, sexually?
Not yet

Who was your last myspace message from?
Sang

Who was the last person to text you?
Katie

Who was the last person you had a phone conversation with?
my Pops

When is your birthday?
May

Where is one place that you'd like to visit?
Bora Bora

If Myspace made you pay would you still use it?
Nope

Dark hair or light hair in the opposite sex?
I think I was asked this already

Who is your number one on myspace and why?
Janine...cause family comes first

Whose graduation will you be attending next?
what kind of question is this?

Would you ever consider piercing your lip?
Probably not

How is your room looking?
like I live in it

Have you ever gotten a sunburn so bad it hurt to move?
I have gotten a sunburn so bad that I got a bubble

Do you toss & turn for hours at night or fall right to sleep?
It depends if I'm stressed out or not

Have you ever used a bow and arrow?
not yet, but I really want to

Has anyone ever hung up on you?
Yes, my parents..I think that's very funny

Do you have unlimited texting?
NO!

What are you looking forward to in the next month?
RADIOHEAD AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL

Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?
yes I do....I could be wrong...but I do think I would be a good wife.

Do you fall for people easily?
This guy once told me that I was a "hard coconut to crack"

When is the last time you talked to number 1 on your top friends?
ten seconds ago...I live with her

Do you have any siblings?
Yessum

When was the last time you got a flower(s)?
the end of June, from my job

Do you laugh at all the wrong times?
It's not the wrong time to me

What does the 4th text in your inbox say?
"OMG i think i caught ur sleepy bug i cant stay awake 2 save my life!"

What are you listening to?
Radiohead

Would it hurt seeing someone make out with the last person you kissed?
Absolutely not if I can apply this question to the creep who shoved his tongue down my throat at the Detroit bar the other night...that was just uncalled for dude.

Did you speak to your father today?Yessum

How many months until your birthday?
like ten

Do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?
absolutely

When was the last time you cleaned your room?
about a week ago

How did you wake up this morning?
grouchy needing more sleep

Have you lost friends in the past year? How do you feel about that?
Yes I have, I'm really sad about it but ready to move on....

Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
Hope so

Have you kissed someone with braces?
Yessum

If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I wouldn't, I love my eye color...they change with my mood ;0)

Was today a good day?
It was okay...without the fucking customers it would have been just peachy

Has the opposite sex been in your room before?
ya

Who usually sleeps in your bed other than you?
I usually sleep alone, but if I'm babysitting my nephew likes to sleep in the bed with me.

Why are you not going for the person you want?
Because I am so shy sometimes it sickening. I get stupid when he is around.

Have you made out with anyone in the last 2 weeks?
Nope. I still don't count the creep from the bar last weekend...that was unwillingly and unwanted on my part

Pet Peeve

2008-07-09T17:36:00.000-07:00

Scenario

I am in the same room with someone. Let's just call her "Flo", for the sake of the story. I am occupied doing something, let's say reading. And "Flo" is occupied doing something different, like cutting paper. "Flo" begins to chuckle really loud or say things like "I can't believe that". I put my head from my book and look at "Flo"(because she obviously wants me to acknowledge that she wants to tell me something) and ask "what's so funny?". She looks at me and says "oh nothing". So I go back to reading my book. Then "Flo" busts in with "So last night I went here and did this and it was so funny". At that point I want to throw my book at "Flo" because why couldn't she just tell me when I put the book down and asked her what was so freaking funny. This irritates me so bad that now, because this has happened so much to me, I refuse to acknowledge anyone who won't flat out just tell me what they want to say. So for now on, when the "Flo's" giggle to themselves and make little comments hoping that I will ask them "what?", I now ignore them amd enjoyingly listen to them squirm like they are going to bust. This might not be the greatest trait of mine, but it sure makes me laugh with how hard they try to get me to ask them.

A True Starbucks Experience

2008-07-08T17:09:00.000-07:00

I work in a spa by the beach. We have all different shapes and sizes of people that come to have services with us and are not shy with their bodies. In fact they are quite proud of them. I see everything from boobs to pubes in the locker rooms. Part of my job is to adhere to the customers when they request things, meaning having to have conversations with them in their birthday suits or even relay messages to them while they are spread eagle in the sauna and steam rooms.(Women of course, they don't allow me in the men's locker room)My point being naked bodies don't embarrass me or really make me uncomfortable anymore. I went to Starbucks the morning before last and was waiting for them to make my Venti Black Shaken Ice Tea when I noticed the woman in front of me had a cute little baby hanging from her in one of those cozy holder things. She turned around and was breast feeding her child, like you do, without anything covering her up and like it was nothing. She said sorry but every time she takes her boob away from the child he freaks out. I was kind of like okay whatever, I've seen a woman breast feed before. But then the baby decides he’s done and lets go exposing his mother for the whole coffee shop to see. This woman very nonchalantly, just starts walking around with her boob hanging out. Her drink was up, she grabs her drink and started eating her food with her boob just in plain sight and hanging there. Everyone was kind of like what the hell. Then she proceeded to turn to me and say "I really like your top, it's very cute" while her boob was just chilling out there. Before this job I would have been embarrassed and been like "excuse me can you please tuck it away, I prefer to not see areola today", But then I realized I was oddly un-phased by it. But what I kept thinking was, who does that? At least the women in the spa are behind closed doors. Not at a coffee shop where people trying to enjoy their lattes with milk are now having thoughts of breast milk running through their minds. Gross! Seriously,Who does that? Apparently crazy OC moms do.

Sing it John!

2008-07-05T17:40:00.000-07:00

To quote my favorite and always eloquent John Clayton Mayer:

"I'm done with broken people, this is me I'm working on...I've been lonely but I know I'll be okay"

These words couldn't be more true at this moment in time.

drunken thought

2008-06-28T22:25:00.000-07:00

Something a little birdy told me...

to be truely aware of your surroundings is to not be worried about offending anyone
honesty is to not be afraid of humilty
and to see with your eyes wide open is the biggest downfall of all

Ms. grumpy greta

2008-06-04T17:35:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those days where you feel so aggravated,so annoyed that you could just scream? Almost like everyone annoying you is just standing behind you pinching at your shoulders continuously. Days where feel like cringing at the sound of someones voice. Those are the days where I seem to live in my head more than in reality. I just cant deal with it, I refuse to deal with it when I feel like that. I sit in my head, almost like I actually have grabbed a chair and took a break in my brain. Maybe tommorrow I'll deal with it, but today like a 6 year old, I just won't do it.

It's a comfy kind of love

2008-06-01T18:38:00.000-07:00

When I think about love I automatically see great story book fantasies that are sweetly read to idealistic young girls hoping that one day the perfect man on a white horse will come wisk her away to a blissful existence. Personally, growing up watching old movies of these wonderfully dramatic romances that always work out in the end have made me long for something incredible. I can't lie, I want what audrey hepburn had in Breakfast at Tiffany's. I want what Rachel Mcadams had in (dare I say it boys) The Notebook. That's what every girl wants. And thats why the divorce rate in america is at a record high. We all want this lovely story of looking at someone and being totally happy with our situation.
In the past when couples weren't happy they would suck it up and try to make work. They would at least give it their best shot and then call it quits. Today, when things get a little ugly, every one has become very good at putting on their best pair of puma's and running as far away as they can. It's become acceptable now that if your unhappy for a moment in your relationship than it's not a relationship you should be in. That is just not acceptable to me.
I believe, im desperately holding on to the belief, if you are one of the lucky ones in this world to find someone who loves you for exactly who are than that is worth everything. That is worth the aggravation, the tears, the hurt. It is worth giving up yourself to something more than you were expecting. It's worth a piece of your world. As I grow older, and more likely to live alone with cats (I dont even like cats), part of myself is starting to see how delusional I probably am, and part of me just cant give up on it. I look at my parents, married for over thirty years, and am amazed and hopeful. They annoy each other, and bicker, and complain, and whine. They are best friends and worst enemies at the same time. They fight the greatest of fights, and laugh from their guts with each other. They have history, a life with one another. They love each other when they look at one another. It's in the eyes. I am waiting for that guy that will look at me and say it all with one look. I want him to be my best friend, someone who at times might annoy the living shit out of me, but I just couldn't imagine my life without him. I want to have incredible fights with him, and laughs until my cheeks hurt. There's no point in settling for anything less!

fear

2008-04-04T00:57:00.000-07:00

Fear is always right behind you. It breathes on your neck and makes you sweat, it makes your stomache drop and your mouth go dry. It pushes and pulls at you, it makes your heart dance around in your chest. It makes your nerves twitch like an electrical short. And the whole time you wish you could just get enough confidence to face it. To put an end to it.
If we all just understood how simple it is to conquer...oh how easy our lives would be.

me and the red

2008-03-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

another sip of sweet bitter on my vacant lips,
a friend that can see passed all the clever quips.
for one night, a feeling that is all my own,
sitting here with the understanding that I will never be left alone.

to have all these conversations that don't exist,
and to settle with a sadness of a love that will never be kissed.
It's a silent message at the bottom of a bottle that I've read loud and clear,
Here's to that old misunderstood friend called fear.
Here we go with another empty glass and another empty fight,
everything wrapped up in another completely empty night.

a tiny moment

2008-03-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

I sit back and allow the sun to kiss my face. It creates a warm blanket around me while the breeze runs it fingertips over me. Thoughts drip out my ears and allow me to just be. My breath finds the rythmn of the song echoing in my hollow mind, "Que Sera, Que Sera, whatever may be may be". No expectations, no grief, no guilt.

Fido

2007-11-24T23:11:00.000-08:00

Sarcastic, incredibly politically incorrect, and sooo silly: everything I love in a good comedy. I love movies that are not afraid to be ridiculously silly. This movie is about a world, still stuck in the 1950's, where an outbreak has occurred and everyone who dies turns right into a zombie. But a scientist has invented a collar to put around the zombie's neck to prevent it from wanting to feast on flesh. Simply when the red light is lit on the collar it is domesticated, when it is off it wants to eat your flesh and brain. Oh it gets better, so 1950's I Love Lucy families have these zombies on collars as their pets and servants. One kid's zombie gets beaten in the head by an older women and her walker, so his light gets turned off and therefore he eats her. Then crazy antics and madness ensues. The movie is hilarious and so ridiculous. If you have can embrace your silly side I would rent this for a friends night, especially if board games are involved. B

Particles of Truth

2007-11-24T22:13:00.001-08:00

To quote one of my favorite musicians John Mayer, "Fear is a friend that is misunderstood". That line in his song Heart of Life can sum this movie up. This is a beautiful art house type movie that anyone who watches it can relate to. It deals with fears. Fear of your past, fear of your future, fear of love, fear of not being good enough, fear of being alone, and most of all fear of facing yourself. The movie is written, directed, and starred in by Jennifer Elster co-founder of 75films. Gale Harold (Queer As Folk hottie) plays her germa-phobic love interest Morrisson. Both are struggling incredibly with the fears their parents and society have burdened them with and the struggle within themselves to see something beautiful. It shows exactly what the title promises, Particles of truth. Truth of life, no matter how much people try to avoid it. It's about being frightened and being a human being. It's the perfect impressionistic movie for a young person in their 20's, scared of where their life might end up. I suggest watching this movie alone, you'll get more out of it. It's not a fun filled movie nor a date movie. And I don't suggest drinking while watching it, it could become very depressing. But it is very well written, and very well acted. Movies like this one is the reason why I always wanted to be an actress, to tell a story, a little bit of truth, that can make someone out there recognize and feel....anything and everything. A+

Rush

2007-11-24T21:05:00.001-08:00

Drugs, guns, and bad hair! It doesn't get much better than that. When I was little I always saw the cover of this in the video store and wanted to rent it, but being 9yrs old my mother of course gave me a big fat "NO". I finally saw this movie about a month ago and understood why my mother wouldn't let me watch it, it has explicit drug use and a very forceful sex scene. Besides all that, it is a solid story and I was not disappointed one bit by it. It lived up to my expectations, for 1991 this movie was very good. It stars Jason Patric (yes, from the lost boys) and Jennifer Jason Leigh, who play undercover narcotic cops trying to bring down the big dealer. While trying to go through all the amateur dealers to get to him they both develop cocaine and heroin addictions. It's a great examination of drugs and how they manipulate the mind. The movie makes you feel dirty, like you have had a long night of drinking and being passed out on a friends floor, and it makes you feel like you desperately need to take a shower. It is great acting by both actors, especially Jason Patric. You slowly get to watch him lose control and watch his sanity crumble. It's a really good movie in a time period where movies were incredibly cheesy. The movie is raw and doesn't have some young overpaid actor twitching up a storm and crying that they had a bad child hood like many of the drug movies today. They are normal people who get wrapped up in their job, they lose control like any normal person can. It has a good twist in the end that does not disappoint. It is definitely worth the rental and one of your movie nights. B

The Machinist

2007-11-24T19:36:00.000-08:00

Boy was I wrong about Christian Bale! He is turning out to be one of the finest actor's of this generation. I always criticized him for swing kids and newsies, but he has a tremendous amount of talent that either I have just been noticing in the last couple years or he is finally getting the work that he can showcase it in.
The Machinist is a tiny film that sadly seems to have been missed by many. It's a dark film about the deterioration of man over a year of his life. In fact it begins towards the end of this particular year in his life and how it all completely unravels on him. He works in a dark factory, hasn't slept in a year, his only real connection is with a call girl named Stevie, and he is talking to man that everyone around him is trying to convince him doesn't exist. The real shocker of the whole deal is he is sooo skinny that he looks like a prisoner during WWII. The movie is very eerie and has you tangled in it's mystery the whole way. The only thing I was a little disappointed in was how quickly the very good ending was thrown at me. This movie has you the whole way but the end is just kind of tossed at you, and it is a very good ending. The writing of the movie is well done and the acting by Christian Bale is amazing. Just the fact that the man went down to 120 pounds to make the part even more realistic shows what kind of dedication he has to telling a story. I highly recommend this film if your looking for quality work! It is definitely artful and an incredible example of great story telling. A-

Pizza

2007-09-09T11:16:00.000-07:00

The story can be described in one sentence: Overweight girl befriends hot thirty something pizza guy on her 18Th birthday! But really there is much more to it. This movie has a few layers that make it incredibly sweet and sophisticated. On the outer layer it's an overweight girl whose lonely,angry, and longing for something much more in her life. At her 18Th birthday party no one shows up besides the hot pizza guy (Ethan Embry) delivering her pizza, so she starts talking to him. She's smart and witty and he likes talking to her. He starts to realize that no one showed up to her party so he invites her to eat with him in his pizza truck. While eating pizza in his truck she begs him to take her with him for the night. So he tells her she can help out with his deliveries for the night. The rest of the movie is them delivering pizza and becoming really good friends.
What I really loved about the movie is the simplicity of how it faces truth in a lot of young people today. There's Cara Ethel. She's overweight, she's strange, and she scares people off as a defense to not have to deal with her current situation. But she's also incredibly smart and has huge ambitions with her life. She dreams of herself doing all kinds of things in the world, but in reality stays home and eats while hating the rest of the world. Then there's Matt. He's in his thirties, he's still a pizza delivery guy, he claims he's a political activist for rallies that he never shows up for, and he lives with younger guys to make himself feel young because he doesn't want to face the idea that he might have to grow up. To everyone around them he is the hot guy who has been with tons of girls, but never really commits. In each other they find a connection. She finds someone who can see past the weight and the glasses and appreciate her for the smart girl that she is. And he finds someone that he finally feels like challenges him, someone who calls him out on his bullshit. All of this is discovered through a simple night of delivering pizza. He's trying to show her a good time, while she's trying to experience some life outside of food and cynicism. By the end of the movie they both show each other that they are better, and worth more than the life they have convinced themselves they are happy and comfortable in.
The movie is very sweet and thoughtful. And the writing is very eloquent, making you love each character with every idiosyncrasy you discover in them. I wouldn't say a lot of guys would really like this movie. It's more for a girls a night with some pizza. So if your looking for something a little more thought provoking than the typical chick flick you should definitely rent this.
I would give this a B+!

1408

2007-09-08T08:55:00.000-07:00

Audiences have become obsessed with gore. And no I don't mean Al Gore, but bloody, limb losing, stomach turning gore. Horror films have lost their "jump in my seat" affect. The studio's become wealthier with every blood fest they release, but these movies just don't have the thrill they used to have. Given, the occasional gruesome feature does have the bird popping out or a broom suddenly falling to make me jump. But for the most part scary movies have lost their best quality, the excitement! It's the unsettling feeling in my stomach of not knowing whats around the corner, not knowing Who or What is going to pop out at me next. 1408 is the first movie I have seen in a while that has brought that thrill back to the movies. It has all the thrill of venturing through haunted house without actually having to turn a corner or leave a room.
I was slightly hesitant wanting to see this movie, it being written by Stephen King and all. Generally his movies these days consist of oddball horrors that don't make much sense to his story line or are not well developed when turned into a feature film. But this one looked decent in the trailer and anything with John Cusack is a good selling point for me (and every girl who has seen Say Anything). I was also very excited to see Samuel L. Jackson in something that did not involve snakes in the movie nor the title. He definitely contributed to movie's eerie nature which made it flow like one long haunted house that you weren't sure you would ever find the end.
A little background:
John Cusack is a writer who stays in "supposedly" haunted places and writes about them. He has all kinds of tools to detect for spirits or haunted occurences but has yet to truly experience anything. He finds out about this room 1408 at a hotel in New York. He decides it would be perfect for his book and decides to go stay in it. Samuel L. Jackson, the manager of the hotel, tries everything in his power to talk him out of staying in that room. Cusack insists and Samuel L. allows him to.
The movie is full of "jump in your seat" moments. It has a very twilight zone and Disneyland's haunted mansion feel to it. It takes you on a haunted maze without every having to leave room 1408. The acting is very good (Cusack usually is good), and the effects are very well done. The movie messes with your head, almost like you've taken some bad acid. It makes you feel, like they refer to in the movie "like you've fallen down the rabbit hole". It's scary and taunting, it makes you nervous and jumpy without ever having to sever a head or have a blood bath of any sort. I highly reccomend this movie if your looking for the same excitement you get from walking through a haunted house. It makes you want to do it all over again!
I would it give it an A!!!

Fracture

2007-09-07T16:02:00.000-07:00

Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling side by side in a court thriller? Doesn't get much better than that in the acting department. With that kind of stellar casting who wouldn't be intrigued to see what kind of story they came up with for these two.
It starts off with Anthony Hopkins as a smart and rich buisness man who is working out of town. He decides to go home early. Then we soon find out that the reason he leaves early is because he is suspicious of his wife having an affair. He shows up to the hotel his wife is at and watches her with another man in the pool. He finds a way to get into the room they have rented out and sees the bed has been used. Cut to his house when his wife finally comes home. She sees that her husband has come home early and they start to have a somewhat uncomfortable discussion. At this point the film reiterates the fact that whoever you are "Dont piss Anthony Hopkins off"! Because he brings up the affair to his wife and proceeds to shoot her in the face. Cut to the always sexy Ryan Gosling as a young hot shot lawyer who is moving on to a fancy firm from his down in the dumps firm to make millions of dollars. He's quick and very cocky. In his last week at his old firm he gets put on Anthony Hopkins murder case and becomes completely enraveled in it. At first he wants to get it over as quickly as possible and move on, then he realizes that Anthony Hopkins is messing with him. Playing very well witted mind games on him. So Gosling risks everything trying to figure the whole thing out.
The movie is very clever and the characters are well written. The story line progresses easily not leaving the moviegoer behind...until the end! And I blame bad editing for this. The end jumps around from piece to piece of this puzzle your trying to put together. The twists that are revealed in the speeches at the end are very well written. But sadly the impact was lost because I was confused.
The end doesn't ruin the whole movie though. So I would recomend this if your looking to watch some great acting, a hot boy, and decent a story.
I would give it a B-!

Dear Mr. Black Bird

2007-05-30T22:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Black Bird,

I am writing to you today to call truce with you. Every day you find a way to antagonize me and taunt me. I am growing quite sick and tired of your shenanigans. At first I thought you wanted to use my hair as nest material. Then I thought maybe you were just protecting your young. Now I have realized that you and your punk buddies are just fucking with me now. Please stop flapping your wings in my ear as I walk by, or landing briefly on my head. And this new shit you've started with dive bombing has to stop or I am telling you I will be eating birdy for dinner. I don't know what kind of birdy because I'm not sure what species you are, but bird will absolutely be on the menu. And don't think I wont do it, I played a lot of Duck Hunt as a kid.
Good Day Sir,
Amanda

Coachella 2007

2007-04-30T20:49:00.000-07:00

My sister and I went to the first night of coachella this year. Bjork and Interpol were headlining so we were pretty much sold when we heard that, and then plus a day's worth of other cool bands. No way we were passing this up. Sadly it was too hot to try and push your way to the front, but all the bands were so good and so much fun. Well here are the pictures of our adventure in the 100 degree heat.

We got there just before 2:00pm:

KINGS OF COMEDY
Chris Hardwicke from the old Mtv show Singled out and some other guy I don't know, and of course Zach Galfianakis!

THE TENT
They had this wierd tent that wrapped in a circle and as you were walking through, it got smaller and smaller until you eventually had to crawl out. Once you made it out there was this branched dome circle in the middle with all these people sitting around smoking out. It was very hippie like. The tent was absolutley pointless but so much fun.

My sister and I melting...and I am wearing way too much eye shadow.
My eyes actually look like they started melting downwards...hmmmmmm.

Other cool stuff we saw:

Now for the bands, this is only a few of them that we saw(My camera wouldn't take clear pictures at night so most of the bands are on video):

SILVERSUN PICKUPS

we only stayed for one song with PEACHES (her sound was all screwed up)

JESUS AND MARY CHAIN

INTERPOL
(my favorite)

My camera died once Bjork came out (of course that would happen to me) so sadly I dont have those videos.

Other fun stuff we saw:

It was so much fun and worth it even with the disgusting heat!

My Island

2007-04-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

If I was stuck on a deserted island the only thing I would need to survive is Bear Grylls!

For fun I would bring Dustin Penner!

Blue in the face

2007-04-21T01:52:00.000-07:00

Another night goes by feeling comfortable. Not taking any risks, not feeling any real emotion. I have not expierenced my own truth in a long time. You are what your mind perceives! I think I gave up on myself along time ago.
I live in my dreamland and am comfortable. A wasted existence if I never believe in my own truth. My place here, my job, my purpose never truley recognized. If I cant allow myself to believe that I deserve my dreams and goals than why should any body else? I am frightened to fail, frightened that people won't credit me for trying and only see the failure in me. I have beaten them to the punch, I have seen the failure in myself before even trying. How do you get past that fear? Right now that controls me, no matter how hard I try to shake it. Therefore my life has stopped, and I sit in a comfort zone never moving anywhere, even if it was backwards.

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.
-Buddha