resolutions

Another freaking year has passed, and it went entirely too fast. Our economy is in the shit hole at the moment, everyone is struggling. People are doing drastic things, no one really feels like themselves anymore. So what is there really to look forward to in 2009. I think this next year is going to be about "hope". We have hope in a new president, we have hope that things are going to make themselves right again. Everything needs to be turned around and upside down once in awhile. It keeps us spoiled un-appreciative humans in check. It makes us satisfied with the lives we have and stop thinking about what we don't have. We start seeing how lucky we are with everything in our world. This past year has been a reality check. And this next year is going to be hard work, but amazing to see what people can do when they come together in this kind of a time.
As for myself, I stopped believing in other people a long time ago. I felt constantly dissappointed by people that I truley trusted. I gave up on them, I gave up on society, I just plain gave up and stopped trying. I just stayed put behind these walls I created for myself a couple years ago. This new year is about hope for myself also. Hope that I can join the real world again. I have realized how many wonderful people I know, how there are good people out there and it's worth trying. I have hope in myself that I can make myself happy, follow my dreams, and finally be comfortable in my own skin.
Everyone is talking about how 2009 is going to be a hard freaking year and people are going to feel it. That is probably true, but I feel that it is going to make everyone stronger, everyone really love one another, everyone will see themselves stripped of all the bullshit. And I have hope that we will enter 2010, stronger and most of all happy.
This goes for every single one of my friends that is in "it" right now. We stick together, we will make it out just fine. Just keep your hopes high.

My Resolutions:
- (Let's get the annoying one out of the way) I'm going to lose weight, I don't know how much, but enough until I am happy.
- I am going to stop worrying so much about loved ones problems and start working on building my own happiness.
- Take care of myself, health wise. I am probably the unhealthiest vegetarian around. I got to fix that.
- I want to try hard to be positive. I used to be a positive person and at one point I got very cynical.
- I am going to work hard at making my friends know that I love them for who they are. I always have loved them for who they are, but certain ones this past year made clear that I don't always act that way.
- I am going to work hard at following my dreams, I gave up on those a long time ago

I feel woken up, after I have been a sleep for a couple years. I have been sitting on my ass trying to figure out who I am. By doing that I lost something, I lost something that made me, well me.
2009 is going to be better....it's in the stars! :o)

Day and Night Trippers

To say my family trips a lot is an understatement! And when we go down, we do it right and in classic bumbling style. It usually happens in a very public place, or in a very dramatic way. I'f we had cameras following us, it would be very entertaining footage. My father takes the lead, with tripping over his own feet quite often. He's learned to catch himself much better in his older age. My mother doesn't do it that often, but when she does it is an oscar worthy fall. Me, I usually am oblivous when I am walking so I often trip, not see a step, bump into furniture, doors, all of the above. I don't often actually go down, but I usually have a bruise or two on me at all times. My sister almost never falls, and doesn't really trip often...until last night. We have a list of the great falls of the family and my big sister just made the list at number four. I am fortunate to have been witness to all of them. Here is our list:
4. Last night my big sister and her husband, son, and I were at holiday festival lighting in san juan capistrano. We headed down towards the train depot where they have a holiday metrolink with santa claus, my nephew loves trains, when my sister stepped on a grate and her heel slipped. It actually looked like she caught herself then suddenly her other foot slipped and she caught herself with banging her head on a store a window and then falling to the ground. Like I said, us Calabro's go down in class, she scraped her knees and hands up but didn't even rip her tights. Go Big sis!
3. I come in at number three with not looking and stepping into a heating vent that was in the floor. When we lived in our old Victorian style home back in Riverside, the heating vents were located in corners on the floor. They had these big grates on them. So when you turned the corner you often stepped on part of the grate. Well, one night when the fam was getting ready to go out to dinner, my dad and brother-in-law had pulled the grate out of the vent in the dining room. They were looking at something on it. Well, we were about to leave so got up quickly to go grab my sweater and turned the corner quickly into the dining room not looking where I was walking. Suddenly my right like went into the heating vent up to mid thigh. I scraped my leg from my ankle to my knee. I didn't even care about that, I was so shocked when my leg went through the ground it seemed like and so incredibly embarrassed for some reason, I just started tearing up. And again, in true Calabro style, I was wearing jeans, my levi's were not damaged in any way. Still, not a good night for me.
2. My dad falls into the number two spot with his movie theater fall. We went to go see a movie that was sold out and we headed towards the front of the theater to get one of those close seats when my dad didn't realize that where the carpet ends is not a step. He went to go take a step and got disoriented and fell to one knee at the front of the theater in front of a sold out theater. Poor guy turned bright red.
1. My mother takes the number one spot with her houdini act of rolling down Mt. Rubidoux. My mother and I went for a walk, we decided to take the unpaved path around the mountain instead of the main road. It got steep and slippery. As my mother is telling me "Manda, watch out it's really slippery here" she loses control of her feet and starts to sort of walk run down the mountain and then finally loses her balance and starts rolling down the side of the mountain and proceeds to bounce off the side of the mountain before she actually stops. I stood there stunned, especially since there was freeway below and if she would have kept going it would have been really scary. But, to show how we Calabro's do it, she rolled down the side of a mountain and didn't even have a scratch. She was totally fine. It was freaking hilarious though.

Fell in love with this song all over again

"Time's A Wastin"-Erykah Badu

Yeah

Time's a wastin
Don't you take your time young man
Keep on driftin and
Ain't no tellin where you'll land

Run baby, run, run
Where you runnin to?
And who you runnin from?
Some people may not understand
What it means to be a man
Takin' full command
Cause we're

Livin in a world that's oh so strange
Boy don't let your focus change
Takin out the demons in your range, hey
Livin in a world that's oh so fast
Gotta make your money last
Learn from the past, oh

Time's a wastin
Don't you take your time young man
Keep on driftin and
Ain't no tellin where you'll land

Sweet love and sunshine
If it's all in the air
Then it's all on your mind
Breathe baby
Come back to the world
Dig up all your pearls
Teach the boys and girls, hey

Livin in a world that's oh so strange
Boy don't let your focus change
Takin out the demons in your range, hey
Livin in a world that's oh so fast
Gotta make your money last
Learn from the past, oh

Oh baby we need to smile
Oh baby we need to smile
Oh baby we need to smile
Oh baby we need to smile

Time's a wastin
Don't you take your time young man
Keep on driftin and
Ain't no tellin where you'll land

Oh baby we need to smile
Oh baby we need to smile
Oh baby we need to smile
Oh baby we need to smile

Oh, oh, oh, oh...

Time's a wastin
Don't you take your time young man
Keep on driftin and
Ain't no tellin where you'll land

Ain't no tellin, oh, oh...

Long Over Do in so many ways

When I was first discovering music, I mean really figuring out what "I" liked outside of the classic rock and oldies that my parents would listen too, Radiohead's The Bends came out. I was instantly consumed and connected by Thom Yorke's soothing vocals and beautiful melodies. I was 12 then, I'm 25 now and can sincerely say that they have always been my favorite band. Their music has never left me, always been their for me like a best friend. The comforting echo of Thom's voice has always lingered with me, never wanting it to go away. I grew up with their music by my side. I always wanted to see them in concert, to witness them and experience them in person. My sister as lucky as she is, and not as desperate as I was to see them, got to see them three times before I did. Through the past thirteen years, 11 of them actual concert going years, it has not been easy to get tickets for their show. Finally with my desperation and determination my oppurtunity came. In August they played two shows back to back at the Hollywood Bowl and I made sure I was at one of them. These are some of my video's from the concert, they are poor quailty because my seats were pretty far from the stage (like most Hollywood Bowl seats). But the music speaks for itself. It was by far the best concert I have been to. My next goal...front row seats.

So Sorry

sor·ry (sr, sôr)
adj. sor·ri·er, sor·ri·est
1. Feeling or expressing sympathy, pity, or regret: I'm sorry I'm late.
2. Worthless or inferior; paltry: a sorry excuse.
3. Causing sorrow, grief, or misfortune; grievous: a sorry development.

I discovered something about myself last night, I apologize way too much. I don't know if it is because I have worked in customer service for that last 7 years, or because I spent 9 years in Catholic school. Where ever it came from, I do it far too often. I say "sorry" and I often don't even mean it. It just seams like the right thing to say. Last night I was at Pavilions and I tried to use a phone number for a club card to get the discount. The number I was entering was not working, the cashier boy asked me for another one. I said, I didn't have one "sorry". He responded in a playful way with "you don't have to be sorry to me, I didn't miss out on savings". Then later in the evening I was playing with my nephew, and I apologized to him because my sister and I got in a big fight earlier and I was yelling very loudly in front of him. He looked at me and said "It was pretty funny". I said "Im glad you thought it was funny, but im still sorry I yelled in front of you, that wasn't right". He looked at me and smiled and said "It was funny, no need to be sorry here". Even though apologizing was the right thing to do for my nephew, I realized that I say that word far too much. I say it when there is no need. My pop always tells me, "why are you sorry, don't apologize, you didn't do anything". Even though it's not New Years yet, I am making a resolution. I will try not to apologize unless I really mean it and the situation calls for an apology.
Sorry to have rambled for so long! ;0)

the warm fuzzy feeling...

I get a warm, happy feeling when a really good song has really well written lyrics. Enjoy! If you havn't heard it already you will be completely satsified with this song:







What I'm searching for
to tell it straight, I'm trying to build a wall
Walking by myself
down avenues that reek of time to kill
If you see me keep going
be a pass by waver
Build me up, bring me down
just leave me out you name dropper
Stop trying to catch my eye
I see you good you forced faker
Just make it easy
You're my enemy you fast talker

Chorus:
I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up
If I could stand up mean for the things that I believe

What am I here for
I left my home to disappear is all
I'm here for myself
Not to know you
I don't need no one else
Fit in so good the hope is that you cannot see me later
You don't know me
I am an introvert an excavator
I'm duckin' out for now
a face in dodgy elevators
Creep up and suddenly
I found myself
an innovator

Chorus.


Change, change, change,
I want to get up out of my skin
tell you what
if I can shake it
I'm 'a make this
something worth dreaming of

who could say no to a game

http://flashfabrica.com/f_learning/brain/brain.html
http://www.freerice.com/index.php
http://www.zefrank.com/scribbler/
http://www.retailmenot.com/coupons/clothing
http://www.virtual-bubblewrap.com/about.shtml
http://www.specialdefects.com/v2/ <--this one is kind of bizarre but fun. Hint, click the little white dots
(I have to thank Julia for the rice game...it was hours of fun)

He just keeps getting better

Every time I see him... :0)


















These were not from my show...but there little goodies to enjoy!

Gummi Bear

A Gummi Bear Chandelier, what could be more awesome than that?

It's ladies night....oh what a night

LADY SURVEY
A night of being broke and bored. Thanks to a friend on myspace I now have something to do...

♥ Do you sleep in your bra?
If I do it's a sports bra

♥ Do you enjoy drama?
Other people's, not mine

♥ Does your myspace password have to do with a boy?
yes...but its not what your thinking

♥ Are you a girly girl?
ya, and other times sadly no. Like say my childhood between the ages of 11-13

♥ Small or big purses?
That's a toughy I love both, for the most part bigger purses...I carry a lot of shit around

♥ Do you think you’re conceited?
No, I wish I was conceited though, things would be much easier

♥ Did you dress up on Halloween?
I try to dress up every Halloween and probably will till the day I die

♥ Are you double jointed?
No, but I can rotate my elbows, they do this weird turn out thing that most people's don't do

♥ Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
In a bath tub

♥ Do you call anybody by their last name?
Not really, maybe one or two people

♥ Do you wear makeup?
Kinda...I go through periods of wearing none...but when I do where makeup its not all that much.

♥ Ever cried at a movie theater?
Yes...many a time

♥ Can you put on mascara without opening your mouth?
only if I concentrate really hard

♥ Do you think Ryan Sheckler is cute?
who the fuck is ryan sheckler?

♥ Have you ever been called a bad influence?
Never

♥ Eyeliner or Mascara?
Both...one should not exist without the other

♥ American Eagle or Hollister?
neither..but if I had to pick...Hollister...cute beach boys where it

♥ Heels or flats?
Flat's whenever I can get away with it

♥ Skirts or jeans?
I'm a jeans girl all the way. But a skirt is awesome when your feeling sexy

♥ Socks or leggings?
Knee Highs are the best

♥ Hoodies or jackets?
Both, it depends on my mood

♥ Heels or sneakers?
sneakers if I can help it. But a cute pair of heels can make you feel so confidant.

♥ Straight or curly hair?
For years I would have said straight, But I have learned to except my big wavy hair...so I will have to go with both

♥ Hoops or dangling earrings?
I rarely wear earrings but if I do..it has to be dangling.

♥ Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?
I wouldn't say no to a hot blond or light haired guy, but there is something really hot about a dark haired guy.

♥ Are you currently frustrated with a guy?
Nope

♥ Do you have a best friend?
Not so much anymore. I have really close friends, but I don't see them enough to be best friends. I'd have to say right now my sister is my best friend

♥ What do you think about the person you like?
I think I should grow some balls and have more than a 3 minute conversation with him

♥ Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
sadly yes, But I recently decided my nose is not all that bad.

♥ Do you like your life?
Yes, I think I am pretty damn lucky

♥ Ever walked into the guy's bathroom?
Yes, at a club...I had to pee really bad and the girls line was just ridiculous. So I just went in the guys bathroom. It was funny because they actually all seemed kind of embarrassed.

♥ Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
yes, when my dogs were put to sleep and when my grandma died

♥ Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
All the time

♥Do you ever wish you were famous?
yessum


IN A BOY:
♥ Cowboy or Gangster?
Cowboy...how do you resist a man who wears chaps

♥ Preppy or Punk/Goth?
Both..very cute

♥ Well-educated or Dropout?
Doesn't matter to me

♥ Contacts or Glasses?
Either are cute

♥ Funny or Serious?
Has to with out a doubt make me laugh...but know when to stop and be serious if needed

♥ Romantic or Daredevil?
Both are sexy

♥ Cute or Hot?
I'm okay with both...cute is usually what I go for though...Hot guys can be annoying sometimes.

♥ Long or short hair?
short

♥ Good Dancer or Good Singer?
singer for sure

♥smoker or non-smoker?
I don't really care either way, but if he is a smoker he better carry breath mints.

♥ Has a Motorcycle or Has a Sports car?
Sports car...I get the whole motorcycle appeal, cause it is sexy but I know to many guys that have gotten badly hurt on them and it scares me.

Have you ever been in handcuffs, sexually?
Not yet



Who was your last myspace message from?
Sang

Who was the last person to text you?
Katie

Who was the last person you had a phone conversation with?
my Pops

When is your birthday?
May

Where is one place that you'd like to visit?
Bora Bora

If Myspace made you pay would you still use it?
Nope

Dark hair or light hair in the opposite sex?
I think I was asked this already

Who is your number one on myspace and why?
Janine...cause family comes first

Whose graduation will you be attending next?
what kind of question is this?

Would you ever consider piercing your lip?
Probably not

How is your room looking?
like I live in it

Have you ever gotten a sunburn so bad it hurt to move?
I have gotten a sunburn so bad that I got a bubble

Do you toss & turn for hours at night or fall right to sleep?
It depends if I'm stressed out or not

Have you ever used a bow and arrow?
not yet, but I really want to

Has anyone ever hung up on you?
Yes, my parents..I think that's very funny

Do you have unlimited texting?
NO!

What are you looking forward to in the next month?
RADIOHEAD AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL

Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?
yes I do....I could be wrong...but I do think I would be a good wife.

Do you fall for people easily?
This guy once told me that I was a "hard coconut to crack"

When is the last time you talked to number 1 on your top friends?
ten seconds ago...I live with her

Do you have any siblings?
Yessum

When was the last time you got a flower(s)?
the end of June, from my job

Do you laugh at all the wrong times?
It's not the wrong time to me

What does the 4th text in your inbox say?
"OMG i think i caught ur sleepy bug i cant stay awake 2 save my life!"



What are you listening to?
Radiohead

Would it hurt seeing someone make out with the last person you kissed?
Absolutely not if I can apply this question to the creep who shoved his tongue down my throat at the Detroit bar the other night...that was just uncalled for dude.

Did you speak to your father today?Yessum


How many months until your birthday?
like ten

Do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?
absolutely

When was the last time you cleaned your room?
about a week ago

How did you wake up this morning?
grouchy needing more sleep

Have you lost friends in the past year? How do you feel about that?
Yes I have, I'm really sad about it but ready to move on....

Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
Hope so

Have you kissed someone with braces?
Yessum

If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I wouldn't, I love my eye color...they change with my mood ;0)

Was today a good day?
It was okay...without the fucking customers it would have been just peachy

Has the opposite sex been in your room before?
ya

Who usually sleeps in your bed other than you?
I usually sleep alone, but if I'm babysitting my nephew likes to sleep in the bed with me.

Why are you not going for the person you want?
Because I am so shy sometimes it sickening. I get stupid when he is around.

Have you made out with anyone in the last 2 weeks?
Nope. I still don't count the creep from the bar last weekend...that was unwillingly and unwanted on my part

Pet Peeve

Scenario

I am in the same room with someone. Let's just call her "Flo", for the sake of the story. I am occupied doing something, let's say reading. And "Flo" is occupied doing something different, like cutting paper. "Flo" begins to chuckle really loud or say things like "I can't believe that". I put my head from my book and look at "Flo"(because she obviously wants me to acknowledge that she wants to tell me something) and ask "what's so funny?". She looks at me and says "oh nothing". So I go back to reading my book. Then "Flo" busts in with "So last night I went here and did this and it was so funny". At that point I want to throw my book at "Flo" because why couldn't she just tell me when I put the book down and asked her what was so freaking funny. This irritates me so bad that now, because this has happened so much to me, I refuse to acknowledge anyone who won't flat out just tell me what they want to say. So for now on, when the "Flo's" giggle to themselves and make little comments hoping that I will ask them "what?", I now ignore them amd enjoyingly listen to them squirm like they are going to bust. This might not be the greatest trait of mine, but it sure makes me laugh with how hard they try to get me to ask them.

A True Starbucks Experience

I work in a spa by the beach. We have all different shapes and sizes of people that come to have services with us and are not shy with their bodies. In fact they are quite proud of them. I see everything from boobs to pubes in the locker rooms. Part of my job is to adhere to the customers when they request things, meaning having to have conversations with them in their birthday suits or even relay messages to them while they are spread eagle in the sauna and steam rooms.(Women of course, they don't allow me in the men's locker room)My point being naked bodies don't embarrass me or really make me uncomfortable anymore. I went to Starbucks the morning before last and was waiting for them to make my Venti Black Shaken Ice Tea when I noticed the woman in front of me had a cute little baby hanging from her in one of those cozy holder things. She turned around and was breast feeding her child, like you do, without anything covering her up and like it was nothing. She said sorry but every time she takes her boob away from the child he freaks out. I was kind of like okay whatever, I've seen a woman breast feed before. But then the baby decides he’s done and lets go exposing his mother for the whole coffee shop to see. This woman very nonchalantly, just starts walking around with her boob hanging out. Her drink was up, she grabs her drink and started eating her food with her boob just in plain sight and hanging there. Everyone was kind of like what the hell. Then she proceeded to turn to me and say "I really like your top, it's very cute" while her boob was just chilling out there. Before this job I would have been embarrassed and been like "excuse me can you please tuck it away, I prefer to not see areola today", But then I realized I was oddly un-phased by it. But what I kept thinking was, who does that? At least the women in the spa are behind closed doors. Not at a coffee shop where people trying to enjoy their lattes with milk are now having thoughts of breast milk running through their minds. Gross! Seriously,Who does that? Apparently crazy OC moms do.

Sing it John!

To quote my favorite and always eloquent John Clayton Mayer:


"I'm done with broken people, this is me I'm working on...I've been lonely but I know I'll be okay"


These words couldn't be more true at this moment in time.

drunken thought

Something a little birdy told me...

to be truely aware of your surroundings is to not be worried about offending anyone
honesty is to not be afraid of humilty
and to see with your eyes wide open is the biggest downfall of all

Ms. grumpy greta

Ever have one of those days where you feel so aggravated,so annoyed that you could just scream? Almost like everyone annoying you is just standing behind you pinching at your shoulders continuously. Days where feel like cringing at the sound of someones voice. Those are the days where I seem to live in my head more than in reality. I just cant deal with it, I refuse to deal with it when I feel like that. I sit in my head, almost like I actually have grabbed a chair and took a break in my brain. Maybe tommorrow I'll deal with it, but today like a 6 year old, I just won't do it.

It's a comfy kind of love

When I think about love I automatically see great story book fantasies that are sweetly read to idealistic young girls hoping that one day the perfect man on a white horse will come wisk her away to a blissful existence. Personally, growing up watching old movies of these wonderfully dramatic romances that always work out in the end have made me long for something incredible. I can't lie, I want what audrey hepburn had in Breakfast at Tiffany's. I want what Rachel Mcadams had in (dare I say it boys) The Notebook. That's what every girl wants. And thats why the divorce rate in america is at a record high. We all want this lovely story of looking at someone and being totally happy with our situation.
In the past when couples weren't happy they would suck it up and try to make work. They would at least give it their best shot and then call it quits. Today, when things get a little ugly, every one has become very good at putting on their best pair of puma's and running as far away as they can. It's become acceptable now that if your unhappy for a moment in your relationship than it's not a relationship you should be in. That is just not acceptable to me.
I believe, im desperately holding on to the belief, if you are one of the lucky ones in this world to find someone who loves you for exactly who are than that is worth everything. That is worth the aggravation, the tears, the hurt. It is worth giving up yourself to something more than you were expecting. It's worth a piece of your world. As I grow older, and more likely to live alone with cats (I dont even like cats), part of myself is starting to see how delusional I probably am, and part of me just cant give up on it. I look at my parents, married for over thirty years, and am amazed and hopeful. They annoy each other, and bicker, and complain, and whine. They are best friends and worst enemies at the same time. They fight the greatest of fights, and laugh from their guts with each other. They have history, a life with one another. They love each other when they look at one another. It's in the eyes. I am waiting for that guy that will look at me and say it all with one look. I want him to be my best friend, someone who at times might annoy the living shit out of me, but I just couldn't imagine my life without him. I want to have incredible fights with him, and laughs until my cheeks hurt. There's no point in settling for anything less!

fear

Fear is always right behind you. It breathes on your neck and makes you sweat, it makes your stomache drop and your mouth go dry. It pushes and pulls at you, it makes your heart dance around in your chest. It makes your nerves twitch like an electrical short. And the whole time you wish you could just get enough confidence to face it. To put an end to it.
If we all just understood how simple it is to conquer...oh how easy our lives would be.

me and the red

another sip of sweet bitter on my vacant lips,
a friend that can see passed all the clever quips.
for one night, a feeling that is all my own,
sitting here with the understanding that I will never be left alone.

to have all these conversations that don't exist,
and to settle with a sadness of a love that will never be kissed.
It's a silent message at the bottom of a bottle that I've read loud and clear,
Here's to that old misunderstood friend called fear.
Here we go with another empty glass and another empty fight,
everything wrapped up in another completely empty night.

a tiny moment

I sit back and allow the sun to kiss my face. It creates a warm blanket around me while the breeze runs it fingertips over me. Thoughts drip out my ears and allow me to just be. My breath finds the rythmn of the song echoing in my hollow mind, "Que Sera, Que Sera, whatever may be may be". No expectations, no grief, no guilt.