Dear Mr. Black Bird

Dear Mr. Black Bird,

I am writing to you today to call truce with you. Every day you find a way to antagonize me and taunt me. I am growing quite sick and tired of your shenanigans. At first I thought you wanted to use my hair as nest material. Then I thought maybe you were just protecting your young. Now I have realized that you and your punk buddies are just fucking with me now. Please stop flapping your wings in my ear as I walk by, or landing briefly on my head. And this new shit you've started with dive bombing has to stop or I am telling you I will be eating birdy for dinner. I don't know what kind of birdy because I'm not sure what species you are, but bird will absolutely be on the menu. And don't think I wont do it, I played a lot of Duck Hunt as a kid.
Good Day Sir,
Amanda